Leann Firestone Autistic Advocate
Leann FirestoneMy journey to becoming an Autistic Advocate.
HI!
I’m Leann Firestone, the Creator and Director of Neurodiverse Network. I am a neurodivergent adult female living in central Pennsylvania. My life story is unique, in that I went most of my life without a diagnosis or understanding of my own brain style differences. At 30-years-old, I made the self-realization that I am autistic and that my lack of diagnosis has contributed to most of the struggles and trauma in my life. I am hoping the sharing of my story, along with constant education and advocacy, will help our community as a whole and will prevent my tale from being re-lived by others.
At a young age I sensed something was different and “not normal” with the way I thought and acted. I knew my brain was unique. It was faster. It was deeper. I was smart, but then at the same time, things that could seem so simple (but required fine motor skills) were really hard and difficult to accomplish.
As I grew older, I quickly realized my stimming and tics (things like humming, singing, talking, moving my feet etc.) annoyed those around me and so I started to hide them. I forced myself to sit still to appear just like everyone else. Between my over-awareness and constant corrective punishment from the adults around me, I lost all of my self-soothing stimming behaviors. I still used hidden techniques like biting my lips or tapping my fingers but I hid any obvious movement like flapping my hands. Since most of the verbal stims I did were bothering others, I started to become unable to communicate clearly and found it harder to speak as I grew older. I felt emotions so deeply and my senses were magnified which caused extreme discomfort. However, every time I told someone, it was just seen as picky or high maintenance, especially growing up female… My needs were often dismissed, or I was made to feel like a burden. So, in turn, I quit advocating for myself. I stopped speaking up, I only cared about pleasing all the people I encountered. I developed “masking abilities” and was very good at it. I felt like an actress, who had been doing such a good job performing, I thought everyone just functioned this way…. I developed this completely fake person and she did get me through grade school, college and a career. I found a great partner and developed a family, friends, we bought a house, I was living “The American Dream” . I had this life that others viewed as “fortunate” and it looked like I had it all… but I wasn’t actually happy at all.
As you can imagine the pressure of masking my entire personality eventually became too much, and I fell into a depressive state, also known as Autistic Burnout. I began a lot of deep trauma therapy to try to remove this fake personality I had developed over the years to really find my true self again. During this journey I was able to heal to a point where I could really begin to see myself and could start trying to understand my own mental health struggles. I stumbled across late-diagnosis autism in women and all the children who were misdiagnosed in the 80s & 90s . Back then, and even now, diagnostic tools are based on how the male child displays symptoms leaving many people behind. The more I educated myself, the more my life made sense. I was able to understand why I have felt so different for so many years. I started stimming again, which has given me extreme self-regulation. I began to explore Occupational Therapy and can now identify my emotions and soothe my sensory systems. I am properly medicated and have the best medical team around after years of searching for support.. I truly feel as though I have rediscovered my genuine self. It has been a long journey over the past 3 years, and I know there will be tough times ahead, but the amount of knowledge and self-awareness I have gained already is worth the struggle!
It took some time to work up the strength and courage to share this very vulnerable part of my life and my whole self. Along with telling my story comes a role of education, because of the misrepresentation of autism and other neurodiversities by the media. I don’t want others to have to write a story to come out of the darkness. I don’t want others to have to struggle and fight through life. I don’t only want to change the world for neurodiverse individuals, I want to change the way neurotypical/neuronormative people see us in the world. Please follow the link below to learn more, and follow me on social media for continuous Advocacy videos and information!
